You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
