god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
