She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
