Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
