i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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