I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
someone owes me an orgasm
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
