is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
