i permit you to call me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
