Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
