When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just high enough for therapy.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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