i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
