don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
