I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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