the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
