i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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