my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
