There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
