After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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