i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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