If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
