is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
