a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
my poor anus
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
