Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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