is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
