I want to walk on stilts...naked
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
