Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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