How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
