Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There r osticjed everywhere
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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