Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
false alarm. still invincible.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
