just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
