My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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