it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
