I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
