I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
