He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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