my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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