i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
