Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
