I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
