We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
