Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
