One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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