i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
