Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
