Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
