His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
