i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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