there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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