508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
