Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
