I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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