So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
