It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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