I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
